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I must apologise. It has been almost a month since I have last written to you. In terms of things to update you with, there honestly isn’t much. I’ve been on holiday, and just been maxin’ relaxin’. It ain’t too taxing.

But what I do want to share is the little project that myself and MusicLady have undertaken.

Our new website

Our new website

That’s right. We’ve spent the last two month’s building a website where Stellenbosch residents can go to check out not only what’s happening in town, but also find guides to fashion, restaurants, wine, and just lifestyle in general. Overall our goal is to become the number one guide to Stellenbosch for the 20-30 year old.

Please go and have a look, and let us know what you think. It’s been a long labour of love, but we feel that this is really what Stellenbosch needs at the moment. The website can be found at http://www.lifeafter5.co.za

We launch on Monday, and have a few things to give away as well. Hou Dop.

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Friday FAIL

In light of the girl in Belgium getting some face candy, you know, the story that’s been doing the rounds all over the news, here is this week’s fail:

Check out ugliesttattoos.com

Check out ugliesttattoos.com

You, sir, fail at life.

The world has a lot of problems. Srsly. There’s global warming. The crashing economy. The price of bread. Overpopulation. And stupid people. Lots and lots of very dumb people. There isn’t a lot we can do about the first few problems, but I have thought of a solution. It’s really simple, actually.

The earth has far too many people. Way, way too many. We may have enough resources to live for the time being, but it’s by no means sustainable. People are living longer than they used to, there are no more large-scale world wars, and it’s been a while since the black plague. It’s all leading to a horrible case of exponentialism, population growth wise. Personally, I blame Powerthirst.

400 Babies

400 Babies

Added to this, is the fact that people are having more babies than usual. Infant mortality rates are way, way lower, so this babies grow up, and produce more babies.

So here is my proposed solution: Only people of a certain level of intelligence may produce children. When you hit puberty, you have to go for this test, and should you fail, you are sterilised. Bang, problem solved. Think about it. Families that wish to continue their bloodline are going to push their kids to learn harder, become smarter and the intelligence of the world would rise, lest their kids fail the test and get the snip.

The only problem is off course the groos violation of human rights. Which is when I posted this idea on a forum, the discussion turned to the idea of a marriage licence, much like the licence you need to drive a car. This way, you are only allowed to become a parent if you are approved. Sure, accidents happen, but when I go to do my shopping and see a woman holding her child in her arms, whilst having a cigarette, I realise that a lot of people just shouldn’t be parents. At all. And it’s usually those least suited to parenthood that are having children.

However, the best solution to stupidity came off quote website, bash.org:

<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I’m not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

‘Nuff said.

Disclaimer: This is not a article of hatred or discrimination. It is meant to get you thinking, if anything at all.

There’s a lot of shitty ads on TV. Any student will tell you this. Students spend a lot of the time being abused by advertisements for the latest ringtones, and badly dubbed-over ads of the perfect family needing to clean their kitchen. Not to mention the horrible, horrible ads for the 2010 soccer world cup.

Don’t even get me started on 2010. Whilst I’m glad that the World Cup has largely sheltered SA from complete economic meltdown, by creating jobs where otherwise there would be none, it has done no favours to the advertising industry.

SA ads are dismally bad. But one company has done something right for a change. And for once, I don’t actually mind seeing the ads on TV. And would you even believe that it’s a petro-chemical company? It’s not even Shell, exploiting a Ferrari in their time honoured tradition. It’s BP.

BP: The best 2010 Sponsor thus far.

BP: The best 2010 Sponsor thus far.

If you haven’t seen the ads yet, it’s essentially soccer matches played between South African stereotypes. So we have Mama’s vs Cafe Owners, Taxi Drivers vs Sandton Poppies, and even Car Guards vs I can’t Remember. The ads are brilliant. Even the attention to detail in the stands, with the Car Guard supporter’s holding out banners reading ‘Don’t worry, I am here’, and the Taxi Driver banners shouting out ‘When days are dark friends are few.’ It’s simply genius.

Keep an eye out, SA advertising people. South Africans don’t mind laughing at ourselves. We’re really good at it. With a president like JZ, how couldn’t we be?

This week put me back in TV Nirvana, with the return of Survivor and 30 Rock to my regular Monday night viewing. No more of that silly crack-version of cricket. Which brings me to this week’s real episode of America’s Next Top Model, not that watered down recap show they showed us last week.

This week we were back in Thailand, and the 5 remaining girls had to learn how to do traditional Thai dancing. Now it can immediately be seen (and after confirmation on the all-mighty wiki) that this is essentially Thailand’s highest art form. Which should mean that it be treated with a little bit of respect and not allowing it to be defiled by a bunch of underfed, malnourished, well below-average IQ, American toothpicks.

Thai Dance: Usually high art

Thai Dance: Usually high art

The gem that emerged from learning how to dance in the Thai way was Jade learning that raising your hand above eye-level is considered arrogant. Her response: “That’s good to know, cos Jade doesn’t have an ounce of arrogance in her system.” Sweety, you need to get yourself a tape recorder and listen to yourself. All the dancing proved a little too much for Danielle, who proved that if you don’t eat for a couple of days, you will end up in the hospital attached to a drip. Srsly. Eventually, after taking a big stinky dump on Thai culture, Joanie was declared the winner.

Danielle returned from the hospital, against the doctor’s orders, to do her   the next day. This involved the girls being trucked into the jungle on elephants, to go and shave their legs. Because when you’re trapped in the middle of the jungle, the most important thing is that you’re razor is operated with batteries so that your legs can stay smooth.

When it came to judging, it was Furonda that left the building, or in this case, the country. I kinda liked her. She was cool in a ghetto-fabulous kind of way. For example, did you know that her favourite food is corn? Srsly. But what finally made me realise why she is the way that she is, is because this is her favourite TV show:

Suddenly it all makes sense.

Do you remember Peter Jackson? You know, the man who never wears anything other than a bodywarmer and a pair of shorts, irregardless of how cold or warm it is? Director of such films as Godzilla, and the rather tiny Lord of the Rings Trilogy? Well, he’s been a busy little boy recently, right under our very noses! You see, Pete has swopped hats and has been sitting in the producer’s seat for his latest film, District 9.

Peter Jackson: The one that isn't Legolas

Peter Jackson: The one that isn't Legolas

He’s handed over the directing to a chap by the name of Neill Blomkamp. I have no idea who this person is, but I have managed to find out that he’s made a short film by the name of Alive in Joburg, which you can check out for yourself here. He’s also directed films for the Halo videogames, which scores him instant nerd points.

But what exactly is this film that’s gone right under our noses? Well, the plot is not exactly clear, but it would seem to revolve around aliens that land in Johannesburg and hide themselves in an informal settlement. Yes, you read that right. This seems to be nothing more than a formalisation of the fact that there already lots of illegal aliens living in the informal settlements of Johannesburg, but I digress. Jackson’s aliens have motherships and weapons and things though, so they seem a little more hardcore than some guys from Malawi.

I’m wondering exactly where this film will go with this plot. Seeing as it’s an all South-African cast, and it was shot in Joburg, and the two characters getting top billing are called “Wikus” and “Koobus” (sic) I’m not sure whether I should be excited or fearful. Best for you to check out the trailer and see for yourself.

The movie is set to be released on the 14th of August 2009.

(Hat Tip: Stephan Lombard)

Friday FAIL

Father’s Day is just around the corner, so this seems appropiate. Especially if you have 3 daddies.

Thanks againt to failblog.org for the pic.

Thanks againt to failblog.org for the pic.

Now stop harassing me on Twitter.