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Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

The big news yesterday was that the ANC wishes to launch a brand new phone line, direct to the presidency, should anyone wish to complain. Seeing as it’s going to be toll-free, my first question was: “Who’s going to pay for this?” The short and simple answer is, that the taxpayer will be footing the bill. This bothered me for a while, until I realised that the only people likely to complain about an ANC government are the people that are actually paying tax.

Looking past the fact that this is the dumbest idea EVER, I wondered what calling this number would be like:

Please excuse the terrible quality. I don’t own a decent microphone… 😦 Like this video, I predict epic fail.

Disclaimer: Killing Time Until Time Kills Me is not affliated to any political party. The above video is a work of satire, and is not to be taken seriously.

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I like ol’ Barack. He’s a cool guy. But this official photo from the White House’s Photostream gives us a whole new meaning on the man:

International Policy Meetings: Serious Business.

International Policy Meetings: Serious Business.

Apparently it all has to do with his height. Obama’s a tall guy (You know what they say about tall guys… and black guys… BASTARD!), measuring in at over 6ft 2″.

This just goes to show, you never should have listened to your school teachers. If you hadn’t stopped riding your chair, you might actually have gotten somewhere.

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In all honesty, I’m growing a little tired of all the beef between Helen Zille and Jacob Zuma. This time it’s even gotten to the point where the ANCYL is threatening to ‘mobilise’ (this has to be their most-used word ever) and make the Western Cape ‘ungovernable.’

We’ve recently learned in Criminal Law that the State rests absolutely ZERO duty on you to report a crime should you see one happening. That’s right, should you find yourself walking along the street and see someone getting mugged, as a civilian, you have NO duty to do anything. You can, in fact, just stand and watch. Maybe get some popcorn and your camera if you’re a tourist. (Please note this extends only to civilians. Security guards, policemen, etc, you’re a different story.) There is, however, one exception to the Civilians-don’t-need-to-do-anything-rule: Treason. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but does threatening to make a government ‘ungovernable’ not count as treason? Somehow I doubt the Stellenbosch police station will take me seriously.

I decided that the best way to settle this was in the age-old internet tradition of a googlefight. Let’s see what the results yielded:

Helen Zille v Julius Malema:

Helen wins.

Helen wins.

So hopefully this result will shut the ANCYL up for a little while, as every time they make a statement, it either results in some form of the word ‘mobilise’ coupled with some form of ‘whites hate us, sniff sniff’. Please. Grow the fuck up. (@Julius – please note that this is just my opinion. There is truly no need to ‘mobilise’ against all the people of Stellenbosch. BTW, can I please call you Julius ‘mobilise’ Malema? Please? I’ll buy you cake).

Right, time to see how Helen does against the leader of our country, it’s time for Helen v Jacob.

And Jacob takes Helen, exactly 2-1

And Jacob takes Helen, exactly 2-1

Right Helen. So you have got quite a way to go. It would seem that Jacob is twice as strong as you are. But how does your organisation measure up?

DA vs ANC:

ANC fails

ANC fails

So what does this blogpost say about our political landscape over the next five years? Well, not much. But hopefully it took your mind off the fact that our politicians are nothing more than schoolchildren, who have nothing but empty threats about taking lunch money and who resort to petty name-calling. Seriously. This is meant to be a democracy!

Grow up.

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Well done South Africa

I must say it was very impressive seeing such an amazing and large voter turnout this year. I conducted a little experiment on Twitter, to see if I could collect pictures of people and their thumbs, and this is the result:

South Africa, showing their thumbs with pride. Apparently Twitter is only used by white people, though.

South Africa, showing their thumbs with pride. Apparently Twitter is only used by white people, though.

If one of these thumbs belongs to you and you take issue to it being here, then my apologies. Majority of the pictures were sourced from Twitter/TwitPic. Well done South Africa. You’ve done democracy proud.

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Thumb Wars

Am I the only person in this country who got inked this badly?

Ink FAIL.

Ink FAIL.

My thumbskin shall forever be brown.

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I have cast my vote. Done and dusted. All in all the whole process was rather pain-free… Yes, there was a queue, but I had my iPod, and for some reason, listening to Rage Against the Machine seemed Right in the circumstances. You know, angry political music. My song of choice, Township Rebellion. Some of the lyrics seemed to jump out at me, as I stood in the line, thinking about the state of our country… I have made bold what I think spoke to me…

Rebel, rebel and yell
Cause our people still dwell in hell
Locked in a cell
Yes, the structures a cell
Mad is the story I tell
How long can we wait?
Come on, seein what’s at stake
Action for reaction
If your minds in a somewhat complacent state
Get a check up
This is a stick up
Our freedom or your life
Lord, I wish I could be peacful
But there can be no sequel

Now freedom must be fundamental
In johannesburg or south central
On the mic, cause someone should tell em
To kick in the township rebellion

Yeah, what about that sucker?

Yeah, so you thought you could get with the hardlines
That fill your mind
Thoughts, battles fought
And lessons taught

Yes I’ll display the fitness
And flip like a gymnast
Raise my fist and resist
Asleep, though we stand in the midst
Of the war
Gotta get mine
Gotta get more
Keepin the mic warm against the norm
Cause what does it offer me?
I think often it’s nothin but a coffin

Gotta get wreck
Till our necks never swing on a rope
From here to the cape of no hope

Now freedom must be fundamental
In Johannesburg or south central
On the mic, cause someone should tell em
To kick in the township rebellion

Why stand on a silent platform?
Fight the war, fuck the norm (4 times)

(guitar solo)

Why stand on a silent platform?
Fight the war, fuck the norm (4 times)

What’s it gonna take?
Euuurrrggghhhhh!

Shackle their minds when they’re bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
Shackle their minds when they’re left on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
Shackled our minds when were bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
Shackled our minds when were left on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost, lost, lost!

Shackle your minds and you’re left on the cross!
When ignorance reigns, life is lost!
Just shackle your minds when you’re bent on the cross!
When ignorance reigns, life is lost, lost!

Why stand on a silent platform?
Fight the war, fuck the norm

Now whilst not 100% applicable to our current politics, I think there is definitely something that can be said here. And standing in line, this seemed very appropiate.

Go vote. It’s the right thing to do.

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That’s right. We are less than 24 hours away from the polling stations opening for what is without a doubt something very exciting: Democracy in Action. Please vote. Please. I am not telling you who to vote for, nor who I am voting for, but please make an informed decision.

Friday’s Mail & Guardian ran an excellent guide to all the major parties, with summaries and criticism on policy considerations, from a very neutral perspective. The paper can be viewed here, and the Election Guide can be found on page 21. Please read it and make an informed vote. In fact, I recommend you buy the paper itself. It’s got a brilliant profile of the feelings among South African voters. Please don’t walk into that voting booth uniformed. That’s nothing short of irresponsible.

If you’ve forgotten how to vote, all you need to do is make the following shape, next to the party you think will lead this country the best. You’ll even get a free coffee.

Ideally, this is the picture you should draw next to the party you want to vote for

Ideally, this is the picture you should draw next to the party you want to vote for

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